Guardian Angel

                        Listening to "Time Of Your Life" By Greenday

Recently I gained a Guardian Angel. My Aunt. I've had the most terrible time dealing with her death. I'm a Grandma's girl. But during my life my Aunt and Grandmother was there. They both were a huge part of my life. Growing up, going to their house it became my safe haven. A place where I could go and know without a doubt that I was loved. It was my second home.
On May 17th, I got a phone call that would forever change my life. Now you know from previous posts that I've known death at a young age. But this time it was a close family member. Someone who was in my everyday life. As I drove to the nursing home, I remember rounding the hall and seeing My Sister, My parents, and Uncle standing in the hall way talking to a couple nurses. My sister pulled me aside and warned me that this was it. She wasn't expected to live much longer. As the Nurses and Doctor talked to us so we could decided the next step, as a family we decided we are in this together. There was a 50/50 chance she wouldn't make it to the hospital. My dad and Uncle (Who are her brothers') took their turn and then my mom and I walked in. I remember seeing how scared she was, but we tried comforting her to tell her it would be okay. I will never forget the look in her eyes. She knew that this was it.
For the next couple days she was in ICU. She had two major heart attacks, and her kidneys failed within a single night. We all sat around her by her side. She was never once alone. Hospice was called in. While they were unhooking the monitors before moving her to a different room, My Uncle asked them "Why are you removing those" The nurse made a comment that they weren't needed anymore. We both were in denial. It didn't seem fair that this was the end. She was moved into another room which was bigger for the whole family. I remember her going in and out of consciousness and her licking her lips cause they were so dry. The hospital had these small sponge "pops" if you want to call it that. So I would run that along her lips and let her get some sort of water to help the dryness. I can still remember the last time she told me she loved me. It was hard to understand but I knew she could hear me, and us.
We all slept in the same room with her. Some of us curled up on the floor sleeping or across two chairs. Even on a table that was in the room. We never wanted her to be alone.
On May 20th, she passed.
I always said that getting away from my abusive relationship was the hardest thing I ever done. But now, I can say this is. Watching a part of your life take their final breath is something that I will never forget. I will never forget watching her pass away, but I will also never forget how my family came together during this hard time. My Uncle held my hand as I rubbed the side of my Aunt's face telling her "I Love You". We all said our "Goodbyes"
I asked for time alone with her. As everyone left the room and shut the door, I stood by her side and rubbed her arm telling her to watch over me and the family. I also apologized for not visiting as much as I did and that I hoped she wasn't mad at me. I felt a SUDDEN feeling of love. Her spirit was there with me and telling me she wasn't mad at me. It made me smile feeling her love once again.

This was my last picture taken with her. I was looking at some book she was reading, and her telling me what it was about. I'am very thankful to say that I have a good last memory with her teasing me and making fun of me. Because of her love, I know how to be a awesome Aunt to my Nephews and hopefully Nieces in the future. They say it gets better as time goes on. Yes that is true but you can't lose sight in that. Right now for me it feels like its getting worse. I see things or hear things what I want to tell her and show her. But then I'm taken back because I remember that I can't. I have to remember that she is looking down on me and sees everything. I only want to make her proud from here on out. I want her to look down and say "That right there, That's my Niece and I'm dang proud!"